


desolation

by Nebkhat



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, COHF, M/M, Not Really Character Death, death not described, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 02:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1114649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebkhat/pseuds/Nebkhat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus reads the note Alec left him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	desolation

**Author's Note:**

> Woo! First post, take it easy on us! This is our take on what would happen if Alec was to die during the war in City of Heavenly Fire.
> 
> Disclaimer: We do not take any credit for the characters or any of Cassandra Clare's books. All we take credit for is our plot.

  
_If you’re reading this then I’m probably dead…_ Magnus’s vision became blurry as he tried to read the rest of the note. This couldn’t be happening. The war was supposed to stop everything, to stop these inane killings. _I tried my best to keep Clary safe; she was the key holder after all. My life compared to hers was little in comparison_. Magnus frowned. His life was not a little thing to him. His usual flamboyant self was non-existent at this stage, instead a cold dull aura emanated from him. 

_Jace has been reckless lately. He’s been worrying over the little things. He hasn’t been himself and I knew that the sure way to make him happy would be to give him the one thing in his life that made sense to him. Clary. I made it my mission that she survived over me. My family will move on just like with Max. They’ll cope just as they always do_. Magnus balled his hands into fists, crumpling the paper he was holding. How could he think like that? It was still evident how much the death of Alec’s brother affected both of the siblings. Although he didn’t know Alec’s parents well, he’d seen enough in his life to know that any parent that lost a child would be devastated. 

Magnus idly stroked Chairman Meow as he continued reading.   _I know this note is short and it may seem impersonal to you, but this is to explain my death. I thought I should give you something else, something to show how much you affected me. Every time I saw you I had butterflies. I felt like I was blushing all the time. Usually I did. Every thought I had about you, every time I saw you or spoke to you I would go home and write everything down.  I have asked Jace if he can give you the journal._  


A journal? Magnus hadn’t expected Alec to write a journal, something so personal. He stared into space for a few minutes, not realising that he was still stroking Chairman Meow incessantly.  Tears rolled down his cheeks as he resumed eating up the words on the small scrap of paper. It smelt like him, of hot chocolate on a winters day and leather; with a hint of something Magnus couldn't describe that was just Alec.

_We both knew that this day would come. Though we thought I’d be old and grey, life is unpredictable. Maybe it’s for the best that it worked out this way. It might hurt less. I don’t want to cause you more pain than necessary; because even though I knew it was going to end I still hoped that it could have gone on just a little longer._

A pang of sadness went through him. With his past lovers he’d never felt anything like this. It was as if Alec’s hand had clenched around his heart, making him feel awfully heavy and lethargic. Magnus let go of a heart wrenching sob before he composed himself. Taking a deep breath he made his way through the house and to the bedroom.

He looked at his bed and the pain that he felt made his knees week. Grabbing hold of the door frame he righted himself. Alec’s side of the bed was immaculate as he always liked it, whereas his own had the covers pushed back and his pillow half way down the bed. He laughed wetly as he took in the small differences that made the room theirs.

Magnus shuffled onto the bed and laid down on his side of the deluxe king size mattress that felt so big and empty. He lied down on his side and put his hand where Alec would usually thread it with his own, nail bitten fingers intertwined with manicured ones. He stroked the spot where Alec’s face would have been, the reality of it all crashing down on him. 

It was a good thing that he was already lying down, because the full consequence of Alec’s death battered him down. It felt like a punch to the gut. It made him feel physically ill; he let out a shaky breath and curled up into a ball.

He felt like screaming. He wanted to throw things around the room, he wanted to break things. He wanted to completely destroy something, yet nothing could help with the pain he was feeling. The utter desolation broke something deep inside of him. The sunshine yellow decor in his room looked dull and lifeless. The flat felt like a dug up grave. The one person he’d grown to care so much to care for had been ripped from him. He would always be alone.

Magnus lifted his hand to his cheeks and wiped the tears away. As he lay in bed that night he swore he felt fingers ghost through his hair and cold lips press against his cheek. Alec’s last words washed over him in a whisper.

  
_I love you Magnus Bane, never forget that._   


 


End file.
